So over the years my style choices have been mainly feminine. Always has been probably always will be.

Not long ago I shaved off all my hair and away with the buns that I had so loved (think Princess Leia on steroids)

Anyway they (whoever they is) say you put on weight when your happy. Well if that’s not the truth I don’t know what is.

I am now at a place where we are the same size so i am in all of her clothes. We are starting to dress similar.

We went out for dinner the other night and we ended up both wearing blue jeans and a black and white striped shirt. So awkward.

So recently we got a puppy.

He is a Chihuahua x Shih Tzu and he is adorable.

He is my favourite person in life. He’s such a big man for such a little puppy and gives me so much joy.

One would call me OBSESSED with him.

However, this doesn’t always play well when you have a partner who sees that now your in love with this tiny puppy who is all your dreams wrapped up in one dog.

He is so attached that he follows me around the house, howls the house down if you could possibly think about leaving the house without him and he is my little spoon every night in bed.

This is where the problem occurs. She was my little spoon. Then puppy comes along and pushes her over and is now the little spoon. So she never gets cuddles anymore. That would suck.

We were trying to fuck the other night and locked him out of the room so he ripped up the carpet of our rental (so awkward). Anyway so then we let him in, she’s on top of me and he just howls.

I speak about him like he’s the best boy in the world but he’s also a terror. Constantly chews my texters, rips up carpet, chimps on my nipple clamps and runs away with the butt plug in is mouth.

Like how do you keep a straight face when you have to coerce the puppy to give you back your butt plug? The answer is you don’t because it’s fucking hilarious

He runs this whole house. We have two cats, a rabbit, we HAD an axolotyl until one of the cats ate him (so unfortunate) and now she have the puppy who runs it all

He’s a sook who loves his mums, mostly me of course. He is the boss and he knows it.

He doesn’t ruin anything. He makes everything more worthwhile 💕

Whether you call it any of the below:

1. Paddling the pink canoe.
2. Dialing the rotary phone. 
3. Auditioning the finger puppets. 
4. Womansplaining yourself.
5. Getting lost in the deep end.
6. Buttering your muffin. ( Circa Mean Girls)
7. Diddling Miss Daisy.
8. Playing the piano.

Or you’re just here for the answer, it’s a profound question.

Who really knows the answer?

Don’t think about it as though she’s choosing to DIY instead of you doing it for her :p

Think about it’s as you would yourself. Who gets you off better than yourself?

Sometimes you don’t want the pressure of sex, or you don’t have the time or whatever it is. It’s your vagina so you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.

“The clitoris is pure in purpose. It is the only organ in the body designed purely for pleasure.”

You do you, She does you, You do her, what does it matter?

Your happy, she’s happy it’s a good combo – just don’t replace intimacy with masturbation. Because you might end up holding the proverbial baby alone.

Everything has a place and a time. Don’t feel pressured to have sex if you just want to get off. Don’t feel pressured to include your other half , but don’t leave them in a sexless exile either.

Ways to be inclusive if that’s what you’re into:

Open communication – there’s no need to hide when you’re going to Jack off. Sometimes it’s good to let your partner know so they don’t walk in, or maybe so you can invite them in who knows what YOU ARE into.

Let her watch – your body your choice, don’t feel pressured to invite your partner into to see you Jack off. But maybe that’s a way for you to connect further.

Video play – maybe surprise your partner while she’s at work with a cheeky video of you. Give yourself a chance to get comfortable with her watching you. Or her watching your vagina. Whatever you’re comfortable with.

You are your own boss. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

In answer to the question at hand. I can’t tell you. To each their own. You do you and the rest will fall into place.

As you might have read if you’ve followed my previous stories you can see I live in a relationship of extreme highs and low lows.

When it’s good it’s good but when it’s bad it’s almost WW3 in my house.

So that brings me to my point.

Every night it’s I love you, goodnight.

But what happens if your in the middle of WW3 in your household?

Do you say it? Do you not?

Do you say it and not mean it?

Who knows…

It’s not like there’s a rule book to relationships.

So I say it when I don’t mean it. If you don’t say it it just continues to be a hostile night.

What if you don’t say it and she doesn’t wake up?

Gotta make sure I don’t regret not saying it.

ALSO GOT TO KEEP THE PEACE.

So after tonight big summer blow up she decides she wants to come and cuddle me.

Here in lies my issue.

I’m pissed at her. So I just lay there. Because she doesn’t deserve my love after being an emotionally abusive cunt all night.

Tonight was fucked for me.

Sat in the shower for 45 minutes having a mental breakdown because my so called loving girlfriend wants to be a CUNT. And not the good kind.

The kind that makes you have to evaluate your whole relationship.

I was so mad the puppy and I went for a walk at 9pm just to leave.

The struggle is real sometimes with Karen and I.

Karen from Finance is a play. Because I live for drag queens. And this is a $$$ post. So this should be interesting.

Karen convinces me to quit a job I’ve had for 8 years because it makes me so very unhappy. Like suicidal tendencies unhappy. So I quit. 2 weeks ago – I don’t have another job as of yet. However I will get there. Super employable.

Sucks for her because now she is the soul income earner in the house. #KarenFromFinance she’s nothing but angry these days. It actually sucks.

All I want is to go back to work so I don’t have to see her anymore.

Like I love her and wish to move past this but it’s actually killing me.

So tonight was interesting. Neither of us are talking to each other.

Our washing machine broke and because I was the one who purchased it 3 years ago it MUST be my fault that’s it’s broken down.

It was second hand when I got it. Like it’s not the end of the world we can get another one.

But no. Instead of being a rational human being she just screams the house down. Yelling at everyone from me to the dog. He’s the best thing from this relationship so far.

We know I don’t mean that. But sometimes I do. Sometimes I genuinely think I should just leave.

Like I love her. But sometimes she just makes it so difficult.

She just snaps and throws a tantrum when something. As minor as it could be. Goes wrong in her life.

Like I don’t understand why everyone else needs to drop what they are doing just because she is having a moment. When her moments last FOREVER.

THIS ISNT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR.

So not cute.

Ya know.

She kills me. Like some days there’s no one I want to see but here. But then other days I couldn’t be happier to have not seen her ALL day.

We were happy. So very happy.

Now… I don’t know.

So recently it’s been a struggle to want to be in the same room as her. She has quit smoking. For the first time ever! She is being a cunt to everyone around and just assumes that the quitting aspect should justify everything. All her bad choices and all her bad behaviour towards everyone that lives her. Including me.

I know I just sound like a whinging girlfriend a these days she’s beginning to SNAO at EVERYONE.

Nothing could be her fault. Nothing could be her problem. It just makes everyone else have to walk on eggshells. Whenever anyone brings it up it’s instanly SnapDragonKaren to the scene. Like who asked for that.

I didn’t sign up to be in an unhappy relationship.

She walks around like nothing is wrong.

So…let’s start from the beginning.

Just over a year ago I started dating the girl of my dreams. She made me laugh and smile. You know the same story of how every relationship starts. Someone flirted with another someone then they fucked and moved on to dating.

Simple isn’t it?

It should be.

At the time we got together she. Was in an unhappy relationship. Wanting an easy out. Well here’s me. A successful career driven woman who just happened to be infatuated with this girl.

Let’s call her Karen.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton